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15 Feb ’12
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I was working in the yard yesterday and my phone went off, I looked at the caller id and it said Mom.
My mother had died when I was two and my father had remarried when I was 8, they got divorced when I was 17. She had remarried a couple years later and her and her new husband had a daughter and her new husband raised my step brother as his own. We stayed in touch over the years and she was the closest thing I had to a mother.
So I answered the phone, hello?
Can you grab some soda on the way home?
What I asked?
Can you grab some soda?
Sure but it will take a long time for it to get there mom.
Who is this she asked?
Mom, it's Kyle.
Oh crap, I thought I was calling Kelly (her husband) I can't see crap without my glasses.
Now she had gone through a serious cancer scare several years ago, two doctors said there was nothing they could for her, she finally found a doctor in Ohio who performed the surgery and was able to remove the tumors and with chemo, she has been cancer free for the past 4 years. I asked her how things were going, she responded not good, she had her yearly scan and they found something on her ribs and they are going in next week for a biopsy. I didn't know what to say other than I'm very sorry Mom.
Then she started unloading everything on me, they are in massive debt from the cancer and trying to give their kids everything they could. They sent them to the schools of their choice, at the time her husband was making good money, she had her own hair salon out of the house that did a great business where she was making very good money with no overhead. Then she got sick,she couldn't do hair for over 2 years and all her old clients went and found other hair dressers. Then the economy worsened, when she could get back to work, all she could find was two part time jobs, her husband had changed jobs and I'm not sure of the exact specifics, but I'm sure with her medical history and age, health insurance is very expensive and horrible coverage. The bills have been piling up and her husband has been hiding everything from her. She finally found out the reality of their dire financial situation last month.
So here she is late 50's, she thought she was doing everything right by her kids, and is now facing financial ruin and a uncertain future.
Her two kids seem oblivious to the situation, their daughter went to alfred because it has a good soccer program and is known as a party school, they went 160,000 dollars in debt to send her there and she got a degree in primary education and wants to be a kindergarten teacher, she applied for jobs out of state and received phone calls for interviews in south carolina, but she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend, so she got a job at a daycare center, which she got laid off from and now works part time at k-mart, with a 160,000 degree.
My step-brother wanted to go to johnson and wales, so they sent him there, he wanted to be a team chef for the bills or the sabres. Went 170,000 in debt and now he is a manager at a bagel shop. Kicker is he is getting married and his fiance comes from money and has a good federal job and they told his mom that when they have kids he is going to be a stay at home dad since they don't need his income. Another 170,000 dollars wasted.
I wonder how many other stories like that are out there.
So I guess this is what drives me to be a self sufficient as possible and get away from this future. I wonder how the life changes that happened to the woman I call mom could have been minimized if they had focused on a simpler way of living. The kicker is she grew up poor on the farm and her family life was a big influence on me, I loved going to her family farm as a child. She asked how we were doing and I told her everything we had going on, she knew we had built our house, but had no Idea we had been doing all this other stuff, I even verbalized to her how visiting her side of the family was a big motivator for me. She commented that sometimes she wishes she had maintained that simple life style but she just wanted to provide for her family everything she never had growing up.
Sorry for the vent, it's been on my mind ever since I got off the phone with her.
22 Oct ’12
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College seems like such a waste nowadays. I really hope your moms cancer isn't back. Amber's grandma was diagnosed 3 months ago and had 3 brain tumors as well. They gave her a year to live but she passed about 2 weeks ago.
11 Mar ’12
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This is so hard to hear. I'm so sorry your mom is going through this. My parents had set a small amount aside to help me with college. The rest was on my own. The didn't go into debt for it. I worked my way through and paid as i went with grants and a small loan. My kids knew that I had no money to help the with college. One daughter really wanted it so she got scholarships.
I am also in my late 50's and have more debt than I would like, but my health so far is good and my debt is my farm. I can at least see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Be RADICAL Grow Food
8 Mar ’12
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K,
1st...sorry to hear this about your mom. her stress level is undoubtedly through the roof.
2nd...What do you infer from this conversation? Is it that a simpler life would have avoided this outcome?
And the monkey presses the button.
15 Feb ’12
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thanks guys, I appreciate it,
Geenie, I am very sorry to hear that brother
no moro, not at all, I have had a million thoughts going through my mind about this and it kind of all just got typed out in 5 minutes. We had talked for about a hour and half on the phone and these were the things that have kept going over and over in my mind the past 24 hours, like a record that keeps skipping.
The thread title is accurate though, this is the future that concerns me. The thought of working hard your whole life, trying to do the best for your family you can, and after your prime earning years are behind you, everything thing gets wiped out, what do you do then?
*edited for further clarification*
15 Feb ’12
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just a follow up, her tests came back clean
10 Aug ’13
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that's good news about the clean result mate, but with the actual topic i find that things in life seem to skip a generation. as a 3rd generation Italian in Australia my grandparents had the big veggie garden and bartered with other neighbors, not with money but with eggs and spare veg from the garden. this bartering was for help to get a job or a car or a license etc, as the language barrier was a big thing. now the generation that came after the grandparents (my parents) was a generation who had seen the garden life and weren't really interested in having one at their place and many seen it embarrassing for the way that they actually grew up and were looked strangely upon for the life style they lived as young and the food they ate.and many really did think that the life that they lived as kids was bad and they wanted a better one for the own, so then it was my generation that were the ones that missed out on growing up entirely on garden fresh veg, salami making days and pasta sauce making days and wine making days, but those are the things that i am trying to bring back to life with my family and kids and hope that they might pass on the traditions and the "life style" that we should all really be living. i have ran into many people my age (29) who have gone back to living the way our grandparents lived because it really was the better and most of all stress free way of living, there was no we need to work till we have enough money to swim in like scrooge MCduck, it was just we need enough to keep a roof over the families head and what ever staples are needed to be bought with money (if couldn't be made from scratch)
so the moral to the story is you need to really let your children know that the life that you are giving them really is the best life because the grass really isn't greener on the other pasture and money really doesn't make a family happy
and that's my vent lol
cheers for listening
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